Church Leadership Series: Part 7: A Leader Must Manage His Family Well

He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?

1 Timothy 3: 4,5 (NLT)

his children must be believers who don’t have a reputation for being wild or rebellious. 

 Titus 1: 6 (NLT)

I wonder how many leaders love the idea of leading people as long as it doesn’t intrude on their own personal life. The reality is, when we are leaders, we are still parents and children and siblings.  We have responsibilities at home that affect how we lead and how we lead affects how we handle our responsibilities at home.

A Christian leader must manage his own family well. After all, if you can’t manage your household, how can you be expected to manage the church organization you lead? How you do with your responsibilities at home portrays how you will likely manage others.

Look at Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Parents, especially fathers, are entrusted with the training and instruction of their children. Church leader, you need to be able to manage your family well.

In 1 Timothy the leader is described as “having children who respect and obey him.” Titus says, “his children must be believers who don’t have a reputation for being wild or rebellious.” I know of Christian leaders who have stepped out of leadership positions because of children who were not obeying them. They felt that if they were not able to manage their family, they should not be in church leadership. I respect that decision as long as there is then an effort to rebuild a relationship with a rebellious child.

There is an expectation that a Christian leader will have a good relationship with his children so the children will willingly respect and obey him. This tells us things about both the leader and their child. This implies that the leader has taken time at home to ensure there is a relationship with the child. Some Christian leaders are “absent fathers” because they spend so much time away from home, or even focused on their leadership responsibilities, that they have not cultivated a loving and caring relationship with their children! A child’s obedience can be an indicator the leader has not parented well, but this is not always the case. It could be that the child is struggling in some other way or is determined to do their own thing, no matter what. If so, then maybe the leader needs to step away from some leadership roles to spend more time with this child.

A leader should not have a “wild and rebellious child” but children who are believers. The leader should take time raising their children to ensure that they came to know Jesus, or at least had every opportunity to do so. Do we really want leaders in the church who have not taken the time to ensure their own children have given their lives to Jesus and accepted Him as their Savior?

Some Christian parents seem to think their role is to make sure their children get to Sunday School and VBS and youth group at church. They may enroll them in a Christian school. Their idea of Christian training is to expect the church to do it all. While all those are good things, they can never be more than an added help. The church cannot be the main contributor to the spiritual growth of children. This must be led by the parents at home. A Christian leader needs to see the value of their own time teaching their children and not expect they can hand it off to the church. A Christian will go out of their way to disciple their children first and then look at leading others.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Reacting To An Offense

Has anyone at church ever offended you, or said something you didn’t agree with? Or has something happened publicly in the church that you were offended with? When a public offense occurs in the church, the first thought often is to write up a new policy. When we are part of a church, we are part of a group of people who will at times do something or say something that you don’t like. Each of us have different standards in our homes, and we likely have slightly different understandings of how to interpret and apply biblical truths.

When reacting to a situation in our church, we may act out of a desire to have policies and guidelines governing everything so that everyone does everything exactly the same. This is impossible to do. There will always be someone who does something you don’t like. So, how do we best respond to that perceived offense?

As I’ve worked with various churches and congregations, I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn) how to respond to situations where individuals are offended within the church. These may not necessarily be steps to follow in this order but are some helpful thoughts and questions I’ve learned to ask when working through the perceived offense.

  1. Is this an issue about me or about the other person?

Did the person actually do something wrong, or is the problem with me and the standards I am trying to push onto another person? Sometimes we just don’t like what another person does, but it doesn’t mean that what they’ve done is wrong.

  2. Is there a real issue to address?

If we believe there was truly an offense committed by the other person, what is the real issue? Did they do something that is spiritually wrong? It could be they did something that scripture can easily correct if they are shown the appropriate verses. Is this morally wrong? Did they do something that is generally believed to be wrong and offensive? What is the real issue that needs addressing? Why is what they did, wrong?

3. If an offense has occurred, what is the best response?

Jesus gives some practical advice in Matthew 18:15-17, about how to react when we see a fellow Christian sinning.

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

If you believe someone else has sinned, you have a responsibility to address that as a brother or sister in Christ. Pray about it and be careful as you address it.

What if it wasn’t a sin, but just something that the church generally has agreed is not acceptable? I would suggest being very careful when addressing any issue with people to be clear on what the issue is, to do it with kindness and love, not vindictively or angrily.

Also, make sure the appropriate person deals with the issue. Depending on the situation, it might be best for the person who noticed the issue to speak up, or it might be more appropriate for a different leader to step in.

4. Protect the dignity of the person who has caused the offense.

If something has happened that must be addressed, do it carefully.

Pray about it before doing anything, and then look for a way to approach the person with the concern that communicates as clearly as possible that this is a desire to help the other person and not to hurt or condemn them.

5. Is there an immediate response required?

If at all possible, take some time before responding. Take time to pray. Take time to clearly assess the issue. Take time to think through exactly what to say and how to best say it.

6. Is a new policy necessary?

Often an offense is a one-time occurrence. This does not need a new policy or more guidelines. On the rare occasion that an issue demands new policies and guidelines, determine these prayerfully and carefully, and with input from affected people.

The church is made up of many different individuals. We have all chosen to be part of this local church. As such, we need to see each other as brothers and sisters and do our absolute best to get along. We should be slow to speak and slow to get angry, while quick to encourage and love. If something has truly been done that is wrong, ask God to guide you as you address the issue. Remember, someone else may approach you too if they think you have done something wrong.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Antidotes to Stress

More than three-quarters of adults report symptoms of stress, including headache, tiredness, or sleeping problems.

American Psychological Association, 2019

Everyone knows what stress is, and many people experience it often. We feel we are facing more than we can handle. The expectations on us are too much, or we are in uncomfortable situations without a way to gain control or get out of it. It affects our mind, our emotions, and our bodies. Some of our medical issues are even caused by stress.  And just because you attend church does not mean you immune to stress. Many of us even experience stress as we serve in the church.

At a recent visit to the doctor I saw this poster on the wall: Stress Coping Skills for Everyday Life.

There are a number of great ideas to put into practice when we are experiencing stress. Some of them are physical exercises such as “go outside” or “stretch”. Others are mental exercises such as “be positive”. There are social exercises and suggestions for eating better and drinking enough water.

These might all be good ideas. They cover most aspects of a person’s life – social, physical, emotional, and mental. But I couldn’t help noticing that there was something missing. Where is the spiritual aspect?

As people who know God, we should recognize the value of going to God in our times of stress. In fact, if we have put our faith in Christ for salvation, then we have also received His Spirit that lives within us. He is God within us. He wants us to have life and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

Like the psalmist David, we can cry out to God in our times of need.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
    it is you who watch over my way.
(Psalm 142: 3)

 Lord, you are the God who saves me;
    day and night I cry out to you.
May my prayer come before you;
    turn your ear to my cry.

 I am overwhelmed with troubles
    and my life draws near to death.
(Psalm 88: 1-3)

Yes, there are many different things we can do to try to alleviate the feelings of stress, but why not call on God to help?

Call out to God for help. Pray. Spend time reading scripture. Allow God to speak. Meditate on passages of scripture or dwell on God’s attributes. Spend time in worship. Sing songs of praise. Listen to songs of praise. Ask God to calm your spirit and empower you by His Spirit to tackle the day with confidence.

When stressed, do what you can to trust God to walk you through it.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Book Reviews: Andy’s 2023 Reading Experience

I will be sharing a brief review of every book I read this year. Hope you enjoy and hope it encourages you to keep reading.


LEADING WITH A LIMP – by Dan B. Allender, PhD.

Allender states this as his core assumption for the book: “To the degree you face and name and deal with your failures as a leader, to that same extent you will create an environment conducive to growing and retaining productive and committed colleagues.” If you try to hide your failures as a leader, you will need to be more controlling of others around you. He says that in God’s leadership model, “He calls us to brokenness, not performance; to relationships, not commotion; to grace, not success.” While leaders often feel compelled to show they know everything and are definitely the right people for the job, they would be better off admitting their weaknesses since  everybody else can see them anyway, and work more on a good relationship with people than just trying to get the most out of them for the task at hand. Allender offers this great quote as he talks about the difficulty of being a leader and casting vision. “One can speak of vision and mission, calling and opportunity until the cows come home, but when the day ends, most people want nothing more demanding than some television and a few uncomplicated laughs.” He speaks honestly of the hard work of being a leader while giving hope from God’s perspective. A great leadership book that makes one think.

Finish Well

The start of a new job if often full of excitement and energy and ideas.

However, near the end of the job, it can be quite different. Whether you decided to hand in your resignation letter or you come to the end of a contract like me, it can be hard to finish with the same excitement.

I am coming to the end of a contract with a church right now. And I am trying to figure out what has to be done in the last two months here. I want to finish well, and not just coast across the finish line. I have been asking myself, “What can I do in these last two months that will help set the church up for a great future?” With that question in mind, I have determined what needs to be in my plans for the next few weeks.

Regular Duties

While I know that I will be leaving this position soon, that is not an excuse to quit doing the regular duties that I have been assigned. For me, I have to continue to preach and be available for caring for people right to the end of my time in this position. It doesn’t matter how close to the end I am, I need to serve them with the same commitment I did earlier.

People

I want to make sure that any people responsibilities I have are fulfilled. This includes letting people know or reminding them that I will be leaving soon. This is especially important when it comes to people who will be taking on tasks that I have maintained. Working with them before I leave and giving them a few pointers of what worked well will set them up for success.

Projects

One of my projects right now is to help the church set up their Search Committee and create and share a job posting for a full time Lead Pastor. As I finish up my contract as a transition pastor, I am helping the Search Committee with the process of posting the position and starting the hiring process.

My situation is quite specific, but for those who are resigning or retiring you may similarly want to help your organization as they find someone to fill your role.

Team Duties

Often, we are part of a team or a group of people who share responsibilities. For example, I work with the Elders Board at my church. As I near the end of my contract, I will continue to lead the team well, helping them to flesh out the vision we worked on together. I will help them prepare for the arrival of a new pastor so that his start will be planned out and he will have the best chance of success going forward.

Take time to finish your job well. Leave in such a way so that people think of you fondly as they remember you later. Don’t burn bridges – you may end up working with these people again some day. I served one church as a Transition pastor that I had served over 20 years ago as their lead pastor. Finish well to keep doors open down the road.

And finish well as a person of good character. Continue to do what needs to be done even though you know you are leaving soon. Don’t just mail it in. Do what you are expected to do to fulfill your job right to the end.

It’s fun to start new positions, but make sure you leave well at the end too.

Keep looking up.

Andy Wiebe

3 Ideas to Renew Your Passion

A while back I realized that my passion for my job was fading. When I started the job, I was excited and could see new opportunities. I loved the vision and purpose of the group I was leading. I loved working with these people because of their heart for the church and their desire to grow in their relationship with Jesus.

There are times in my life as a pastor that I have had to renew and restore my passion for my role. I always want to give my best and be excited about what I am working on, but I realized that initial excitement had faded. So I decided I needed to work on renewing my passion for that role, and here is what I did.

Add Variety

One reason I tend to lose passion is because I get bored with routine. I long for some creativity and variety.

I add variety in my preaching. This is an area that I have control over, so may be one of the first places I can work at renewing my passion. For example, I might use a video or story to help people connect with the sermon. I might use an object lesson and provide those items to each person when they arrive at church. Beyond Sunday sermons, I might identify a project that I could initiate with others to help us work toward our vision.

Celebrate something.

Sometimes the boring monotony can be awakened to new passion when I take a moment to reflect on the exciting things happening. Good things are happening. God is at work. People are being changed. Programs are reaching people. People are responding to sermons and applying what they learn. When I get stuck in feelings of boredom, I can identify reasons to celebrate. I might celebrate by myself, or with my family, or my coworkers or church. It’s amazing what praising and thanking God can do in lift my spirits and reawakening that passion for my role.

Talk to God about it.

There are times I have taken a mini-retreat – maybe even just an afternoon away from my office – where I can stop everything and talk with God. I talk with Him about what is going on and how my passion is fading. I ask him to show me where I need to focus. I ask Him to give direction. Often this time with God reaffirms my calling, renews excitement in me about what God is doing and inviting me into. Sometimes I come away with new ideas, other times it is a re-enforcing of what I already knew I was to do. But the time with God reminds me of my role and what I need to be doing.

There is often an ebb and flow in the intensity of our passion for the work we are doing. Don’t let it fade too long. Choose to renew your passion again and again so that you will enjoy your role and will continue to contribute well to the vision you and your team or church are pursuing.

What are some ways you have renewed your passion? Let me know.

Keep looking up,

Andy

Make It Easy For People To Do What You Want

I was shocked when I attended church this Sunday. I get an occasional Sunday off so I get to take in a service at a church I am not leading. It was a great Sunday with good worship, and the commissioning of a new Lead Pastor. But one thing was missing: the offering. There was no offering received as part of the service. There may have been some information regarding giving on the slide announcements that were playing prior to the service, but I didn’t notice them. On the way out I did notice that there was a “giving station” on the wall. There may have been a few. I don’t know what you would do at the station but it must have been a way to give financially to the church.

Now, you may be wondering why I was shocked, and why I would make such a big deal about this. Here’s why.

First, I know that the church is struggling financially, and had to let a few staff members to in recent months because they couldn’t afford them.

Second, giving of our tithes and offerings to God and the work of his kingdom on earth is part of what following Jesus looks like. It is part of discipleship.

Third, if we want people to do something, we need to make it as easy as possible. Do you want to have your congregation learn how to give back to God, trusting Him to provide all their needs with the remaining money they still have? Then make it easy for them to do so.

We need to make it easy for people to do what we want them to do, whether we are leading an organization or leading a church. Whatever you want your team to do, make it clear and easy to do.

As we entered 2023, I encouraged our church to read the Bible, every day. In fact, I encouraged them to read the whole Bible this year. I printed four different Bible Reading Guides that followed different reading strategies from reading straight through the Bible from beginning to end or jumping around to different topics. I was hoping that at least one of these methods may appeal to people who had never read the whole Bible. Each Guide was a different color, and we included a lengthy description of each guide in the Sunday bulletin, with descriptions in the color of the Guide. I announced that these Guides were available, for four weeks in a row, continually reminding the congregation to choose their plan and begin reading. We placed the guides in a display at the information table everyone walks by every Sunday, making it easy to grab one on the way in to the service or on the way out. We did everything we could to make it as easy for people to choose a reading plan as possible.

As for the way we take up the offering, we do a few things to make it simple and clear how and why we do it. We have a clear step by step direction in the bulletin as to the various ways people can give, including online and in person in the service. We place offering envelopes on the chairs so when people come in for the service, not only is it easy to find an envelope to put their offering in, by prominently displaying these envelopes, it is a reminder that we value their financial gifts to the church. We always include a time in the service when we pass a basket and invite members to drop their financial gift in the basket as it goes by. Just before we pass the basket, we take a moment to talk about why we give and how we do it, thanking everyone for their faithful and willing giving. We pray, inviting God to bless the offering for His work. The whole process doesn’t take long, but it shows we value that part of discipleship and want to include it in our worship service.

As you consider an aspect of your organization or church where you want people to take a certain action, think about how to make it as simple as possible. Explain the purpose and instructions for the activity in multiple ways so it is accessible, and provide materials and time to complete the task. If you want people to fill in a certain form, begin by clearly explaining what is expected in an accessible medium. It may be a public announcement, an email, or text, or even a phone call. It may be a combination of these along with a clear statement explaining each step. Along with the direction, provide a designated time and deadline for completing the task. For example, if it is an evaluation of an event, give the participants time right after the event, or a few minutes the next office day after the event. Make sure that everyone has access to the correct form in a format that is as easy to access as possible – providing each person their own copy (and even a pen) is the most effective for ensuring they will complete it. Do whatever you can to make completing the desired task easy to do.

We all have expectations of our congregation or our team. Let’s do the work to make sure that it is as simple as possible for them to meet your expectations.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Assumptions Lead to Problems

Last week I was preparing for Sunday’s service at church. We wanted to include communion as part of the service. I have only been at this church for a few weeks now, and I assumed things.

I assumed that their traditions around the celebration of communion would be similar to my experience. Here are my assumptions. I assumed that I could insert communion into the service where I felt it fit best. I was planning for a two-part sermon and decided communion would work really well as a practical expression of the first part. Next, I assumed that communion would be set up with cups of juice in trays and bread on plates. I assumed that would mean we needed a table at the front for the elements to sit until we were ready to move into the ceremony of communion. Then, I assumed that we would be serving everyone. That lead to a few more assumptions. I assumed we then needed to have 4 people prepared to pass the trays down the rows to cover the two sections of chairs we had set up, so I asked four of the elders if they could help serve. Along with the serving, I then assumed that since we were serving the bread and then the juice, we could use someone to play some music while everyone was being served, so I asked my wife to be prepared to play a few songs on the piano. Since I assumed we were serving everyone, I thought my sermon would be longer because we had to give time to serve everyone which would draw things out a bit.

My assumptions were not correct. First, in talking to my wife, she mentioned that she had seen a supply of cups and wafers that were one sealed unit. So then I assumed we will only be serving them once, so that shortens up the time a bit. Then, in conversation with one of the Elders, he mentioned that they had just been handing the elements to people as they entered the sanctuary.

So we will not be serving them at all, okay. They will already have the bread and juice with them for when they were needed. And that meant that we didn’t need anyone to actually serve the congregation.

Well, someone still had to hand them out as people came in for the service. Another assumption was that the piano could be used and I was informed it desperately needed tuning and was not ready to play. I had to tell my wife that her playing was not needed.

Assumptions.

We often make assumptions, especially when we are in a new situation. I am new to this church and had not bothered to ask anyone about how they practiced communion. I could have saved myself some trouble by just asking a few appropriate questions.

So, how can we deal with assumptions in new situations?

  • Realize we don’t know what we don’t know.

When we are in a new situation, we assume that we can approach it the same way we have approached similar situations in the past. We need to realize that every new situation requires new information for us to know how to proceed in a meaningful way.

  • Watch and listen

We can learn a lot in a new situation if we slow down and carefully observe what is going on. Before jumping into action, watch what others around you are doing, even how they are doing things. Listen to the conversation. What do they talk about? What can you learn from what they are saying that will help you know how to move ahead?

  • Ask questions

I am serving as a Transition Pastor. That means I go into a church for a period of a year or so before I move on to a new assignment. Every new church I serve is a new experience for me. Yes, I have years of experience being a pastor, but I have not been a pastor for this church at this time. Even in the last church I served, I had been a pastor there years ago, but people and practices had changed. I did not know how things were done now.

So, I ask a lot of questions. I want to know what their traditions are and how they would like to see things done. I try to figure out who they are talking about when they mention a name.

I try to get a sense of the inter-personal dynamics in the relationships of the people I am working with. I want to know the history so I can get a true sense of the present.

  • Admit you are a newbie

It’s okay to remind people that you are new here, acknowledge that this is a new situation and you may mess up. As I greet people on Sundays, I admit I am new there and don’t know if they are long-term members or guests. As we talk about programs or practices, I remind people I am new and don’t know all the history. I regularly ask people to give me some background and detail on programs or practices so I can get a sense of what they are talking about.

  • Ask for a guide

Sometimes it is helpful to ask for someone to be your guide. It’s good to find who is familiar with the situation so they can help you navigate around potential missteps. If you can find someone like this, make use of their knowledge.

Assumptions can lead to problems, but you may avoid those problems by trying some of the tips above.

I would love to hear how you have handled new situations. Leave a comment about how something went really well or really bad.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Book Reviews: Andy’s 2022 Reading Experience

I will be sharing a brief review of every book I read this year. Hope you enjoy and hope it encourages you to keep reading.


LEADING IN A CULTURE OF CHANGE – by Michael Fullan

This book is an older book but the principles are still helpful today, and maybe even more needed than back in 2001. Change is happening quickly around us, and many are suggesting they have answers. Often those requiring change to happen, look for a charismatic strong leader or a program that has worked somewhere else. Michael Fullan suggests, I believe correctly, that we need to realize that no one program is the answer to every situation. He also says that the change a charismatic leader brings may only last as long as he is leader. So Fullan suggests that change needs to be worked at slowly, with many of the people impacted participating in the transformation. As well, instead of using a cookie cutter approach, look for what might be appropriate to use at certain locations and at certain time periods of the change. He concludes the book like this: “Ultimately, your leadership in a culture of change will be judged effective or ineffective not by who you are as a leader but by what leadership you produce in others.”

Book Reviews: Andy’s 2022 Reading Experience

I will be sharing a brief review of every book I read this year. Hope you enjoy and hope it encourages you to keep reading.


HOPE IN THE DARK – by Craig Groeschel

Hope in the Dark: Believing God is Good When Life is Not addresses those questions we have when life is not going as well as we think it should. Craig Groeschel asks many of the questions that we have all asked from time to time, questions like: “Where are you God?” and “Why aren’t you doing something?” He draws on the book of Habakkuk where the prophet asks some of the same questions. Let me give you one quote that I thought was very helpful. He writes, “Habakkuk urges us to draw on our long-term memories of God rather than being so shortsighted that we choose to keep replaying only our immediate, distressing circumstances.” That is so good! As we take our eyes off of our present situation we can remind ourselves of God’s goodness in the past and know that that same God is still walking with us in the difficulties we face. This is a very encouraging book for anyone asking the questions about where God is in our pain.