comfort

Grief and Hope

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As I’m thinking about Christmas and the family celebrations, I am well aware that my mom will not be around this year. She passed away a few months ago. Going to see my Dad at Christmas time will not be the same. There will be an empty spot at the table and a big hole in our conversations where mom would have been.

Blue Christmas Services are special services held in December. Maybe you have had the privilege of taking in one of these services which are designed especially for those who have lost loved ones in the last year. The service includes carols and scriptures like other Christmas services, but it also takes time to acknowledge the pain that many in the service are facing. It is meant to be a time of healing and encouragement for those who are grieving and to give them encouragement as they enter their first Christmas without that loved one present.

The service is a time to remember the hope we have in Christ. All who have put their faith in Christ, if they are gone from here, are present with the Heavenly Father. We have a hope, a certain understanding that to die here is only the doorway into God’s presence.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

As believers in Jesus, we believe that His death and resurrection was for us. We put our faith in Him and receive eternal life. We get a taste of this eternal life already, but don’t experience it’s fullness until we are with Jesus in God’s presence.

When believers die, they are immediately with God. They are immediately ushered into a place of “no more death or mourning or crying or pain” (Revelation 21:4). Not only are they experiencing the joy of being in God’s presence, but they are also immediately removed from all death or mourning or crying or pain. My mom was suffering a lot of pain regularly. She was taking many different medications. Life was difficult at times. But now she is no longer suffering any crying or pain. That is encouraging even as I grieve.

Knowing that she is with Jesus gives me hope. My grieving is not for her, but for my own loss. I am excited and glad for her, but there are times when I feel the loss. We grieve with hope. We feel the loss but are encouraged by the certainty of where we believe she is now.

Are you feeling the pain of missing a loved one this Christmas season? May it not be a grieving without hope. If they had put their faith in Christ, we know that they are with Jesus. And if you have done the same, you will join them eventually as well.

Yes, we grieve. We may go through the different stages of grieving numerous times as we continue to adapt to this person not being around anymore, and still rejoice that they are now in a place of no more crying and pain in the presence of the Heavenly Father. As believers in Jesus and the promises of a future with Him in heaven, we grieve with hope.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Reacting To An Offense

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Has anyone at church ever offended you, or said something you didn’t agree with? Or has something happened publicly in the church that you were offended with? When a public offense occurs in the church, the first thought often is to write up a new policy. When we are part of a church, we are part of a group of people who will at times do something or say something that you don’t like. Each of us have different standards in our homes, and we likely have slightly different understandings of how to interpret and apply biblical truths.

When reacting to a situation in our church, we may act out of a desire to have policies and guidelines governing everything so that everyone does everything exactly the same. This is impossible to do. There will always be someone who does something you don’t like. So, how do we best respond to that perceived offense?

As I’ve worked with various churches and congregations, I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn) how to respond to situations where individuals are offended within the church. These may not necessarily be steps to follow in this order but are some helpful thoughts and questions I’ve learned to ask when working through the perceived offense.

  1. Is this an issue about me or about the other person?

Did the person actually do something wrong, or is the problem with me and the standards I am trying to push onto another person? Sometimes we just don’t like what another person does, but it doesn’t mean that what they’ve done is wrong.

  2. Is there a real issue to address?

If we believe there was truly an offense committed by the other person, what is the real issue? Did they do something that is spiritually wrong? It could be they did something that scripture can easily correct if they are shown the appropriate verses. Is this morally wrong? Did they do something that is generally believed to be wrong and offensive? What is the real issue that needs addressing? Why is what they did, wrong?

3. If an offense has occurred, what is the best response?

Jesus gives some practical advice in Matthew 18:15-17, about how to react when we see a fellow Christian sinning.

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

If you believe someone else has sinned, you have a responsibility to address that as a brother or sister in Christ. Pray about it and be careful as you address it.

What if it wasn’t a sin, but just something that the church generally has agreed is not acceptable? I would suggest being very careful when addressing any issue with people to be clear on what the issue is, to do it with kindness and love, not vindictively or angrily.

Also, make sure the appropriate person deals with the issue. Depending on the situation, it might be best for the person who noticed the issue to speak up, or it might be more appropriate for a different leader to step in.

4. Protect the dignity of the person who has caused the offense.

If something has happened that must be addressed, do it carefully.

Pray about it before doing anything, and then look for a way to approach the person with the concern that communicates as clearly as possible that this is a desire to help the other person and not to hurt or condemn them.

5. Is there an immediate response required?

If at all possible, take some time before responding. Take time to pray. Take time to clearly assess the issue. Take time to think through exactly what to say and how to best say it.

6. Is a new policy necessary?

Often an offense is a one-time occurrence. This does not need a new policy or more guidelines. On the rare occasion that an issue demands new policies and guidelines, determine these prayerfully and carefully, and with input from affected people.

The church is made up of many different individuals. We have all chosen to be part of this local church. As such, we need to see each other as brothers and sisters and do our absolute best to get along. We should be slow to speak and slow to get angry, while quick to encourage and love. If something has truly been done that is wrong, ask God to guide you as you address the issue. Remember, someone else may approach you too if they think you have done something wrong.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Rejuvenating the Crushed Spirit

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The human spirit can endure a sick body,

    but who can bear a crushed spirit?

Proverbs 18:14

I came across this verse in my daily readings and immediately saw its application in today’s covid-ravaged world. Covid has hit many people, millions around the world. Many of us know someone who has been hospitalized, and even died. It’s amazing how positive some people can be in the middle of physical pain, even as they are facing death. Some people can keep their faith strong and their spirits up in the battle against physical odds. But the same people can be utterly crushed by loneliness, and despair, and frustration, and discouragement.

When we are sick, we know we have to fight the disease. Others join the battle with us – doctors and nurses who minister to us in the hospital, or friends and family that bring us food or look after our family while we are down and out with physical issues.

When we are sick in our spirit, it is harder to find the ones who will battle through it with us. We are less likely to open up about it to others. And when we do, people aren’t sure how to offer help. A friend told me a colleague had asked how he was doing. He answered, “Actually, I am having a pretty hard time right now.” The other answered, “Well we are all having a hard time right now”, and walked away. My friend had been hoping for some words of encouragement or at least an understanding that his spirit was crushed more than it had been in a long time.

Who is standing with you as you endure and try to “bear a crushed spirit”?

Some of us have a loving and caring spouse who can walk with us in our low times. We have agreed to be there for each other in “sickness and health… in good times and bad.” I have marveled at how many times God has arranged for me or my wife to be the one who supports the other. Often when my wife is feeling crushed, I am strong, and when I feel crushed in my spirit, she has been strong. But it is not always the case, and not everyone has a supportive spouse.

Some of us have the benefit of great friends. We have people in our lives that have gotten to know us and have stuck with us through the years. We can call on them and they will show up. A few years ago, we moved in with another couple for a few months. God arranged for us to support these friends even as they supported us. We were able to encourage and pray for each other. But not all of us have friends like that.

Some of us have great benefits or financial means to be able to go to a counsellor or therapist who can walk with us in our crushed spirits. Professionals like this can be a big help. They often have tools to use to encourage us, or even know how to refer us to others for further help. But not all of us have access to professional help.

I don’t know where you turn for help when yours spirit is crushed and you are barely hanging on. I hope you have someone.

I think one of the best places to find that supportive uplifting help we need is our church. Hopefully you have a church family that loves you and encourages you. If you don’t, I’m sure there is a church in your neighborhood that would love to welcome you in and support you and encourage you.

Church services are great because they point us to Christ. Jesus knows all about us. He lived the life of a human on our earth for 33 years. He understands our crushed spirit pain – and wants to help. When we sing songs of praise and worship we are encouraged. My wife and I were in a low point when we began attending a new church. It was amazing how God used the worship services and encouragement of the pastors and congregation to lift us up and to revive our spirit. If you do not have a church where you are being revived, then look for another one where you will be.

Some of you are pastors. You are the leaders of a church and you are not sure you are getting that reviving that I am talking about. You feel that no one is noticing how low you are, and no one seems to have time to care for you. That may be true. You know your situation. If this is you, then look for places where people specifically love to minister to pastors. My wife and I would highly recommend places like Focus on the Family’s Kerith Retreats. They exist specifically to encourage those in ministry.

If you are bearing a crushed spirit, Jesus wants to be your life. As you surrender your life to him, he truly wants to give you life, and life abundantly. Take time to talk with him. Pour out your heart. Maybe you want to write down your prayers and present them to God. Maybe you need to just cry out to him and ask him to move.

Do not give up. God wants to revive you. He wants to restore your crushed spirit to new life and new energy and joy. I pray that you will find that renewal in Him.

Keep looking up.

Andy Wiebe

http://www.elevatecoaching-consulting.com