connecting

Train Yourself to Be Godly #6: Fellowship and Community

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*Training yourself to be godly may include fellowship and community.

Because of our North American independent mindset, many of us have missed the point that much of scripture addresses the Christian life with an expectation of connection. This is expressed and experienced in fellowship and community.

A simple definition for fellowship I heard is this: it’s two fellows in a ship. While this gets to the idea of fellowship, it is much more than two or more people in close proximity.

Fellowship (koinonia in Greek) is about “partnership, participation, sharing, communicating, and communing together”.

David Mathis defines fellowship as “less like friends gathered to watch the Super Bowl, and more like players on the field in blood, sweat, and tears, huddled in the backfield only in preparation for the next down.”Fellowship is joining in together with others to encourage and comfort and lift up. To do the “one another’s” of the Bible to each other: love one another, encourage one another, and so on.

Community is another word for fellowship. John Mark Comer describes it like this: “From coming together on Sunday for worship or eating a meal around a table to practicing confession to entering into spiritual direction, therapy, or mentorship – community is how we travel the Way together” (Practicing the Way). Community is experienced when we get to know each other well enough to be there to encourage, strengthen, or lift each other up when needed.

You may not think of Fellowship, or Community, as a spiritual practice, but they are. They are part of helping us to grow in our relationship with Jesus. This is one of the reasons that Hebrews 10 tells us to “not neglect meeting together… but to encourage one another”. They are practices we can choose to join into with purpose.

Fellowship and community are more than just being part of a church or attending every Sunday. Often, fellowship and community are experienced with a close friend or two, or in an intentional small group that meets regularly to help each other grow in their faith.

Stephen Macchia  suggests that fellowship and community are defined and experienced by the following:

  • Faithful presence
  • Honesty and transparency
  • Mutual submission
  • Confession and forgiveness
  • Joy: Laughter and tears
  • Listening and empathy
  • Attitude of gratitude

All of this can be summed up in being open and honest with a few people you trust so you can walk with them and they with you through your life journey with Jesus.

I encourage you to find a few good friends or join a small group, where you can get to know each other and care for each other in real, meaningful, and practical ways. Do this intentionally and you will be practicing fellowship and community as spiritual practices.

Watch for more on fellowship next week.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Earning Trust As A Pastor

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As pastors, we can not expect that people will trust us simply because we are “the pastor.” People have been let down by too many leaders, by too many pastors, to automatically trust a pastor. Trust must be earned. Pastors, we can intentionally lead in a trustworthy manner so people will trust us.

As pastors, we invite our members to listen to and respond to our sermons. We challenge people to step up and volunteer in church ministries. We ask people to accept changes we are making to how we run services and ministries. If church members trust us, they will be much more willing to follow our leadership. If they do not trust us, it will feel like dragging a car through mud. Here are a few ways to earn people’s trust.

Be real.

Being real begins with leaders being self-aware and confident in who they are. They are open with people. They share their stories and let others know who they are. This involves letting people know what they care about and sharing their life ups and downs.

Pastors, you don’t need to hide who you are. People can tell when you are not being authentic. Don’t feel that you have to be perfect or have all the answers. If people feel you are hiding something they will be slow to trust you.

Be consistent.

Trustworthy leaders are clear about their expectations and consistent with their goals. When circumstances are difficult, trustworthy leaders don’t abandon their goals too quickly in light of other priorities. A trustworthy leader is the same person up front leading as they are when you interact with them over a coffee.

Make sure your words and actions match. Trust is threatened when a leader is unpredictable. Do what you promise. I just led our church through a vision and values clarifying meeting that I promised would take no longer than ninety minutes. I was glad when, as we were wrapping up, I looked at the time to see we finished in about eighty minutes. Keeping your word helps earn people’s trust. We need to be consistent in what we say and do as we lead.

Be curious.

Curiosity is important particularly for leaders in a new setting or role. People appreciate a leader who is interested in who they are, who their family is, and what they are interested in.

As a Transitional Pastor I begin with a new church every twelve to fourteen months. I make an effort to meet people and get to know them. I ask lots of questions. Some questions are about the church, but many are about the people and their lives and what they care about. People generally like sharing about their life, especially if someone actually shows an interest. Get to know what they are good at and what they enjoy doing in life. You may be surprised at the hidden talents and passions you discover, and in the process, you will be earning people’s trust.

Be available.

Leaders who hide behind their desk and closed doors portray that they are hiding something. An open-door policy and a willingness to share contact information makes followers feel like they can be trusted. Being available demonstrates that a leader cares enough about others to connect with them on their terms, and it communicates a desire to hear from them. Leaders who are available can answer questions, clarify instructions, and welcome feedback.

Be hopeful.

Trustworthy leaders inspire others to hope in the future. We have the best hope to share, Jesus! We have a confident hope of a present and future in His hands! Leaders, don’t get caught dwelling on past mistakes. Deal with them quickly so you can refocus on a positive future that inspires hope in those you lead.

Pastors, we are asked to lead congregations of people. Let’s work at earning their trust, so we can lead well and enjoy the journey together.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Leading a Small Group with Discipleship in Mind

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Much has been written about small groups as a valuable way to help believers grow. Churches often have unique names for their small groups depending on the priority of the group. Regardless of what these groups are called, churches that have small groups have an opportunity to disciple those in each group. As a leader, you can use your regular meetings to point everyone to Jesus again and again. This applies whether it is a task small group, friendship small group, or a Bible study small group. Here are a few suggestions for leading your small group with discipleship in mind.

  1. Pray together. Always take time to pray, even if it is just a brief time. Some members of your group may not typically pray in their day-to-day lives or may feel awkward or unfamiliar with praying. By leading in prayer, they see prayer modeled and may then learn how to pray themselves. So prayer will be an opportunity to bring requests to God as well as disciple people in how to pray.
  • Teach your small group to pray. Beyond modeling, you can show your group how to use prayers in the Bible as examples of how they can pray. You could start with the Lord’s Prayer, but there are many other prayers, especially in Paul’s letter and in the Psalms, which could be great examples for the amateur pray-er.
  • Read Scripture. Even if your group is not a Bible study group, you can still take time to read a few verses of scripture. This may be all the scripture some members read or hear that day. Remind them that God speaks to everyday situations. Even if your group is a task group that gathers to accomplish a certain purpose, such as a worship team that meets to practice for Sunday’s service, take time to read from God’s Word. If you are putting discipleship as a priority, then it is always appropriate to read scripture and pray.
  • Get personal. Sometimes we are so focused on the goal of the group, that we forget that we are all people who long for connection. We want to be noticed. We want people to express interest in our lives and concern for our well-being. Sometimes, in a Bible study, we jump so quickly to the Scriptures that we don’t notice that some members of the group are hurting, and others are excited about life and both want and need to share with someone. Take time to share something personal every time so you get to know each other and find ways of encouraging those who need it.
  • Teach something new. I used to think that discipleship only included teaching and equipping believers in “spiritual” things, yet discipleship can be very practical. A music small group may appreciate learning a new song, or a new creative way to engage their audience. A Bible study group may enjoy learning a new Bible Study method that helps them engage with scripture in a new way. Get creative, but look for ways to teach something new.
  •  Equip your small group. While this is connected to teaching something new, this specifically focuses on helping your group members improve a skill or grow in faith disciplines. The goal might be developing new Bible study methods that enable your members to move beyond just reading scripture to interacting and studying it. Maybe you can equip them in something practical such as how to buy a new Bible, how to make friends with their neighbour, or how to lead a small group so new leaders are raised up regularly.
  • Encourage your small group to consider God’s purpose for them. No matter what kind of group you lead, the believers in that group need to recognize that God has a purpose for them. Point them to scriptures that talk about loving God and loving others. Encourage them to try new things and see how God uses them. Encourage them to ask God about their purpose and then to live into it boldly.

No matter what kind of small group you lead in your church, each member needs to grow in their faith. Lead in such a way that they are discipled in the process.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

Don’t Just Examine the Bread!

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So the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the Lord.

Joshua 9:14 (New Living Translation)

Christian leaders need to recognize the importance of not accepting everything at face value. It is important that we do the work of evaluating the latest teaching. Even if the speaker or author or podcast host has a good reputation, we must do the work of determining if what they are saying and presenting and teaching is the truth.

Joshua 9 gives us a glimpse into an event in the life of the Israelites as they begin to conquer the Promised Land. They conquered Jericho by walking around it for a whole week and then shouting, bringing the walls down. They conquered Ai next.

After defeating these groups a delegation of strangers showed up on their doorstep. These Gibeonites didn’t live too far away, and heard how God gave them victory against all other people. They were afraid for their lives, so out of self-preservation, they put on a little drama. They wore patched sandals, brought dry and moldy bread, and carried cracking wineskins. They arrive at the Israelite camp looking every bit the faraway people they pretend to be.

The Gibeonites asked for a peace treaty, but the Israelites were clear: if you live nearby “we cannot make a treaty with you” (Joshua 9:7). God told them to conquer all the people. He did not want them to make a treaty with any of the people in the land He is giving them.

In an effort to convince the Israelites that they were from far away, the delegation pointed out the terrible shape of their supplies. And as verse 14 says, “the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the Lord.”

Other versions say “they sampled their provisions” or “took some of their provisions.” This can be both a symbol of friendship, as well as a “testing” of the supplies. The Israelites examined the supplies and discovered that they aligned with the story the delegation told. The Israelites felt they had done their “due diligence” and agreed to make a treaty. It is very clear the Israelites did this without consulting the Lord. They believed something and acted on it. They believed a lie and acted by making a treaty.

Only three days later they discover the Gibeonites were neighbours. The Israelites were not impressed, but their leaders convince them they couldn’t destroy the Gibeonites but must honour the treaty. Instead, the Israelites make the Gibeonites do forced labour.

How often do we as leaders think we have done our due diligence because we have in some way vetted what we have been told? Maybe we listen to a speaker and listen to a few other voices and accept what we are hearing at face value. We may do this work, and yet we forget to “consult the Lord” as we accept new ideas or try new ways of doing things.

It may be that the Israelites did not consult the Lord because they were encountering something new. They had seen God do incredible things for them over their history, including conquering Jericho and Ai just recently, but they had not met Gibeonites before, they had never encountered a peace delegation before, and they were still new at this concept of conquering the land God was giving them. Like them, when we encounter something new, we can get caught up in the new experience and forget to consult the Lord.

Instead of following the ways of the Israelites and simply “examining the bread,” we must inquire of the Lord. This should be one of our go-to moves. Ask God, “What do you think about what we have just heard? What do you think of this new idea?” Due diligence for a Christian leader should always include consulting the Lord. Accept new ideas carefully after consulting the Lord. Make new decisions after you have talked to God about them.

Yes, examine the bread, but also consult the Lord.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

The Fun of Getting to Know People

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The church is people. Being a church leader and pastor means being a leader of people. Every leader needs to recognize the value of getting to know the people they lead in a personal way. I enjoy getting to know people because as you get to know people you find out what they are passionate about and how they contribute to their community. Many people have unique skills they are using to help others that you wouldn’t know unless you get to know them.

Personal Connections

Some of the fun of getting to know people is finding you share common friends or have similar origins. When I meet someone for the first time, if I learn that we know the same people or are familiar with the same places, it immediately gives us something to talk about even though we just met.

Unique Skills

Last night, over supper with friends, I learned that the one friend translates children’s songs from English or Spanish into Low German. There are not many Low German children’s songs so she finds good songs in other languages, translates them to Low German as best she can, records herself singing them, and uploads the recording and song for Low German speaking parents to use for their children. I think that is fantastic! I would never have known about her unique contribution to other parents if I had not had opportunity to be in a conversation with her.

Personal Pain

I recently had a conversation with a young couple who are hurting because of an illness in their family. They have had to go through many difficult adjustments as they deal with a family member who lost their memory and the ability to function on their own. As a pastor, hearing the pain in their voices as they shared the story gives me a fuller picture of the realities of their life and and how they are trying to manage life. This informed perspective will also help me be a bit more forgiving when he doesn’t make it to every board meeting because he has unexpected responsibilities to deal with at home. Gaining a fuller understanding of people on our team and people we serve reminds us to view people as humans with complicated lives.

Passions

As we get to know people, we get to know what makes them tick, and what they are passionate about. Some are passionate about people, others about projects. Many people have certain values that they regard with extra importance. For example, knowing which people are passionate about youth or the poor can guide you when recruiting volunteers for youth or the food bank ministries.

Potential Friends

Some people warn pastors not to become friends with people in their church. Others say pastors need to be friends with everyone. Pastors need friends too, and as they get to know people they discover new friends. Its natural that we become better friends with some people in the church than others, so don’t be afraid to get to know people as friends.

I encourage every pastor and church leader to go out of their way to get to know the people they lead. You will gain personally, as will your church, if you get to know them.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe

The Joy of Connecting with Teammates.

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I had the privilege this past week of spending a day with others who have a similar role as I do. We don’t actually work together on the same projects or in the same church, but we are all part of the same denomination functioning in the role of transition pastors. There is a special joy in connecting with people who know your role and the situations you face because they face those situations, too. In the past, I was able to connect with fellow rural pastors and pastors in the same region. We may not all serve the same church, but we can connect and relate to shared experiences because of our similar roles.

It may feel like getting to know and spend time with these teammates takes too much time or effort that could be used for other priorities, but I have personally found value in connecting with others who understand my roles.

They understand the frustrations and joys.

    When I met with rural pastors as a rural pastor, I knew that they understood what small-town life was like. They understood the realities of serving a smaller church. When I meet with transition pastors, they know what it is like to face church conflict and to try to mediate it. Transition pastors know what it is like to help churches, to fall in love with them, and then have to move on to a new assignment in a year or two.

    When you are talking with others who know your role, you can share jokes and stories that they understand. They are “in the know” because they do the same things you do. Other transition pastors know the frustration of churches that do not want to change, even though they know they need to. They understand the joy of a board catching God’s vision together as they plan vision and strategy for the church.

    They can provide ideas and advice.

    When I meet with transition pastors, I know they use similar tools and processes as I do in helping churches transition. Transition pastors know what it is like to help churches build on the past to look to the future. One of the benefits of my recent meeting with other transition pastors is to learn about how they handle particular situations. Most of them have more experience in this role than I do so I love to soak up ideas as they talk about their ministry.

    They can pray for me with understanding and clarity.

    One of the joys of meeting with others in similar roles is that we can pray for each other with an understanding of the situations we face. Often we don’t even have to finish our story and the others are already smiling or nodding or even crying as they have gone through similar situations. They can pray for me, and I pray for them, with clarity because we have seen very similar situations where we have served.

    I encourage you to find others who are in a similar situation as you. You need to find “your people” so you can have people around to encourage you and help guide you as you need input and wisdom from them.

    Keep looking up,

    Andy Wiebe

    Book Reviews: Andy’s 2024 Reading Experience

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    I will be sharing a brief review of every book I read this year. Hope you enjoy and hope it encourages you to keep reading.

    HOPECASTING: Finding, Keeping and Sharing the Things Unseen – by Mark Oestreicher

    As the title states, the book is about hope. Mark Oestreicher defines hope as: “Hope is faithful confidence that God continues to author a story that moves us from vision to action.” (p. 24) His belief is that hope is not something we work hard to get, but we can only have it as God gives it to us as we spend time with him. He describes a number of enemies of hope, each a distraction that takes our eyes off of hope to other things. I like how he shows that our role is to be Hope carriers to the world around us, already giving them a glimpse of the kingdom of heaven.

    Are you in need of some hope? This is the book for you.

    We All Need Someone to Lean On

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    Many pastors are lonely. Many don’t have a team of staff to talk things through with. Recently I have again recognized the value of having other pastors to talk with and connect with. I have the privilege of being part of a few groups of pastors, but it has been a while since the one group has met and I realize I miss those get togethers.

    In 2023 Barna.com shared a poll that highlighted the loneliness and isolation of pastors. Their poll shows “these feelings have increased significantly since 2015 when 42 percent of pastors shared they either frequently (14%) or sometimes (28%) felt this way. Now, 65 percent of pastors report feelings of loneliness and isolation, with 18 admitting these feelings occur frequently.” (7-Year Trends: Pastors Feel More Loneliness & Less Support)

    As pastors, we need to take initiative to connect with others who understand what it its like being a pastor. Pastors can relate to us and pray for us in a way that others can’t. We all need good friends, and many of us have very supportive and encouraging families, but we do need to have other pastors in our circles too.

    Many denominations have regular gatherings for local pastors. Take advantage of those. These are people who are in your circles and understand your church dynamics. In some places, there may not be others in the same denomination nearby; instead, connect with other pastors in your community. I have benefited greatly from connections with pastors from other denominations. We have different theological stands on some issues, but we all deal with the same day-to-day struggles of working with people and trying to have the answers our congregation needs.

    One of the benefits of connecting with other pastors is that we can have people in our corner who understand us. Like any profession, it can be difficult to explain some aspects of being a pastor to others who are not. It is easier to celebrate and commiserate with people in the same field.

    Other pastors may also be able to speak into our lives, offer words of encouragement, or ideas on how to handle certain situations we face. This is valuable support that requires you to open up to others.

    Sometimes other pastors can help us develop our creativity as we hear of unique ministries or programs they run. We can help each other become better. Proverbs 27: 17 applies here:

    As iron sharpens iron,
        so one person sharpens another.

    Do not be satisfied with your loneliness. Find other pastors to connect with, and encourage them as they encourage you.

    Keep looking up,

    Andy Wiebe