He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?

1 Timothy 3: 4,5 (NLT)

his children must be believers who don’t have a reputation for being wild or rebellious. 

 Titus 1: 6 (NLT)

I wonder how many leaders love the idea of leading people as long as it doesn’t intrude on their own personal life. The reality is, when we are leaders, we are still parents and children and siblings.  We have responsibilities at home that affect how we lead and how we lead affects how we handle our responsibilities at home.

A Christian leader must manage his own family well. After all, if you can’t manage your household, how can you be expected to manage the church organization you lead? How you do with your responsibilities at home portrays how you will likely manage others.

Look at Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Parents, especially fathers, are entrusted with the training and instruction of their children. Church leader, you need to be able to manage your family well.

In 1 Timothy the leader is described as “having children who respect and obey him.” Titus says, “his children must be believers who don’t have a reputation for being wild or rebellious.” I know of Christian leaders who have stepped out of leadership positions because of children who were not obeying them. They felt that if they were not able to manage their family, they should not be in church leadership. I respect that decision as long as there is then an effort to rebuild a relationship with a rebellious child.

There is an expectation that a Christian leader will have a good relationship with his children so the children will willingly respect and obey him. This tells us things about both the leader and their child. This implies that the leader has taken time at home to ensure there is a relationship with the child. Some Christian leaders are “absent fathers” because they spend so much time away from home, or even focused on their leadership responsibilities, that they have not cultivated a loving and caring relationship with their children! A child’s obedience can be an indicator the leader has not parented well, but this is not always the case. It could be that the child is struggling in some other way or is determined to do their own thing, no matter what. If so, then maybe the leader needs to step away from some leadership roles to spend more time with this child.

A leader should not have a “wild and rebellious child” but children who are believers. The leader should take time raising their children to ensure that they came to know Jesus, or at least had every opportunity to do so. Do we really want leaders in the church who have not taken the time to ensure their own children have given their lives to Jesus and accepted Him as their Savior?

Some Christian parents seem to think their role is to make sure their children get to Sunday School and VBS and youth group at church. They may enroll them in a Christian school. Their idea of Christian training is to expect the church to do it all. While all those are good things, they can never be more than an added help. The church cannot be the main contributor to the spiritual growth of children. This must be led by the parents at home. A Christian leader needs to see the value of their own time teaching their children and not expect they can hand it off to the church. A Christian will go out of their way to disciple their children first and then look at leading others.

Keep looking up,

Andy Wiebe