Has anyone at church ever offended you, or said something you didn’t agree with? Or has something happened publicly in the church that you were offended with? When a public offense occurs in the church, the first thought often is to write up a new policy. When we are part of a church, we are part of a group of people who will at times do something or say something that you don’t like. Each of us have different standards in our homes, and we likely have slightly different understandings of how to interpret and apply biblical truths.
When reacting to a situation in our church, we may act out of a desire to have policies and guidelines governing everything so that everyone does everything exactly the same. This is impossible to do. There will always be someone who does something you don’t like. So, how do we best respond to that perceived offense?
As I’ve worked with various churches and congregations, I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn) how to respond to situations where individuals are offended within the church. These may not necessarily be steps to follow in this order but are some helpful thoughts and questions I’ve learned to ask when working through the perceived offense.
- Is this an issue about me or about the other person?
Did the person actually do something wrong, or is the problem with me and the standards I am trying to push onto another person? Sometimes we just don’t like what another person does, but it doesn’t mean that what they’ve done is wrong.
2. Is there a real issue to address?
If we believe there was truly an offense committed by the other person, what is the real issue? Did they do something that is spiritually wrong? It could be they did something that scripture can easily correct if they are shown the appropriate verses. Is this morally wrong? Did they do something that is generally believed to be wrong and offensive? What is the real issue that needs addressing? Why is what they did, wrong?
3. If an offense has occurred, what is the best response?
Jesus gives some practical advice in Matthew 18:15-17, about how to react when we see a fellow Christian sinning.
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
If you believe someone else has sinned, you have a responsibility to address that as a brother or sister in Christ. Pray about it and be careful as you address it.
What if it wasn’t a sin, but just something that the church generally has agreed is not acceptable? I would suggest being very careful when addressing any issue with people to be clear on what the issue is, to do it with kindness and love, not vindictively or angrily.
Also, make sure the appropriate person deals with the issue. Depending on the situation, it might be best for the person who noticed the issue to speak up, or it might be more appropriate for a different leader to step in.
4. Protect the dignity of the person who has caused the offense.
If something has happened that must be addressed, do it carefully.
Pray about it before doing anything, and then look for a way to approach the person with the concern that communicates as clearly as possible that this is a desire to help the other person and not to hurt or condemn them.
5. Is there an immediate response required?
If at all possible, take some time before responding. Take time to pray. Take time to clearly assess the issue. Take time to think through exactly what to say and how to best say it.
6. Is a new policy necessary?
Often an offense is a one-time occurrence. This does not need a new policy or more guidelines. On the rare occasion that an issue demands new policies and guidelines, determine these prayerfully and carefully, and with input from affected people.
The church is made up of many different individuals. We have all chosen to be part of this local church. As such, we need to see each other as brothers and sisters and do our absolute best to get along. We should be slow to speak and slow to get angry, while quick to encourage and love. If something has truly been done that is wrong, ask God to guide you as you address the issue. Remember, someone else may approach you too if they think you have done something wrong.
Keep looking up,
Andy Wiebe
Elevate with Andy 